bi2ian007's Xanga

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 05:39:31 GMT

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I think Dido's "White Flag" is my favorite music video. The song is awesome, the story in the video completely matches the lyrics, the cinematography syncs with the mood, and it was perfectly casted with Angel's David Boreanaz. I don't know how to post videos on Xanga, so here's the link instead: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=NMB4xtnFlvo

If I had one wish granted today, it would be:
To not get into the habit of detachment.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 23:47:20 GMT

"Taking my own advice, I'm giving up tonight."

With the summer officially here, I now have the liberty to catch up with the rest of my life. However, somewhere along the way, I've sort of lost track of what the rest of my life actually is. I remember a few things here and there, but for the most part, it's seems like a big jumbled cloud. "No matter," I thought to myself. "This gives me a fresh start to catching up with what I want my life to be." After all, why should one try to catch up with what the unlearned past has formed when presented with the opportunity to create a purposeful future?

I was on a mission. I opened up my laptop, double-clicked on the Microsoft Word icon, and I started typing away. I typed everything. I imagined a limitless future. I created what I felt was an idyllic future for me. I even made milestones that served as indicators that I was achieving the greatest things I could ever imagine. Quite often, I was reminded of past mistakes and lost possibilities. I was burdened with how my previous track record was not in line with whatever it is I was writing. But I was determined to not let such things stop me. I shunned all forms of doubt, and I aimed for the edge of the universe.

After a few nights, I felt that I was finished. My mind was empty and there was no longer anything there for me to imagine, desire, or want. It was all put on this document. Excited, I started to read what I wrote so that I could take a step back and look at the big picture of it all.

I read it once. I then re-read it very slowly. Hmmm...a few more times and my conclusion was clear...

This isn't me.

All the details I wrote, all the individual parts...I could say that those things were me. But after putting it all together, it somehow became a blank slate. It's as if the tiles of a mosaic were jumbled. I couldn't recognize what was there.

I'm finding that, in order to create a purposeful future, one cannot ignore the past. One's past -- no matter how wonderful or regretful -- carries with it an undeniable character that somehow reflects a greater purpose. Ignore that past, and you'll ignore that purpose. I think this is the mistake I made.

I regard many glimpses of my past as hinderances of my future. For me, thoughts about the past are quite dangerous. It easily takes me on a downward spiral, and in the end, I feel quite hopeless. That's the fine line that is walked along the fence of self-reflection. If I stay on top, then I miraculously weave the progress of my past into the promise of my future. But if I fall, then I get locked into the cycle of reverting back to my past.

Hmmm...that may quite possibly be my greatest fear: living a life that reverts back to my past. If I live life that way, then I miss out on all purpose and end up giving up on the call to something greater than what I could imagine for myself.

If I had one wish granted today, it would be:
A peace of mind.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 06:49:16 GMT

"The older we get, the more we define ourselves by the things we haven’t accomplished."

This is a quote from my friend's blog. It made me stop to think about my current perspective, so I thought I'd post it here.

If I had one wish granted today, it would be:
Prophetic optimism.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 07:45:51 GMT

Instead of asking things out of life, I should be making things out of life. After all, life really is the longest form of art, and masterpieces are made, not given.

So it's been over a year since I wrote in my Xanga. At the time, in addition to anonymously contributing to a blogging project, I was bogged down by studying for my comprehensive exams for my DrPH, and since then things just haven't let up. Unfortunately, that's the road of life, and in my life I rarely ever down-shift. But even the greenest of hybrids must fuel up, and so while the gas is pumping, I feel its important to peek at the odometer and track your mileage. I'm hoping that Xanga will be just that.

More importantly, I find it increasingly important to constantly remind myself of the good that has blessed my life. I hate to admit it, but growing up is a depressing process, and if it weren't for the sunshine of memories, the future would carry a looming overcast.

Anyhow, true to the bi2ian007 xanga-entry format, I shall end this one with yet another wish:

If I had one wish granted today, it would be:
More vacation and less escape.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Sat, 19 May 2007 15:35:33 GMT

"I'm laughable. I'm a lonely joke."
-- Bruno Podalydes, from "Paris, Je T'aime" (Montmatre)

Friday, April 20, 2007

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 19:47:01 GMT

I walked in to the kitchen at work today to get some water. One of the girls who works in the same office says to me, "You smell good! Are you wearing some kind of cologne?" I told her no (which is the truth), but in my mind I told her that I was wearing the stench of a shirt that I've worn three times this week already (which is also the truth).

Random thoughts about working out

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 18:59:02 GMT

My mom called me today with some diet/exercise questions. I love my mom, but she'll hear one thing, and then take it at face value without investigating things more. Anyhow, I thought I'd share a few of my diet/exercise thoughts. I am no expert, and I have no degree in this stuff, but I'm speaking from my own personal (many failed) experiences. Comment if you have any thoughts or insight because I'm always open to learning more. So here are some things I've heard across the years and my thoughts on them:

1. "Calories in, calories out"
I believe this to be true. There's no way around it. It's purely scientific and is consistent with all laws of physics/thermodynamics. The problem is that people don't ever really know how many calories they expend, making it difficult to know how many calories they should take in. Also, counting calories is a pain in the butt. So if you want to lose weight, eat less calories than you actually use. If you want to gain weight, eat more calories than you actually use. You could tweak this balance by either playing around with how many calories you eat (dietary changes), or by playing around with how many calories you use (exercise changes). Now, I didn't say what kind of weight (fat vs. muscle) you'd be gaining/losing though...so the "calories in/calories out" principle isn't the only thing to consider.

2. "[insert exercise here] works really well!"
Hell yeah it does...but works well for what? Every exercise is a movement, and so that exercise is going to work really well for that movement. So if someone says, "This is a good exercise," then ask them why it's good and what it's good for. Chances are, there are some bad things about that exercise too (injury suceptibility is a common one). So assess your goals and see if they line up. Some exercises are good for many things (e.g., squats), and so they appear in a lot of general workout routines. Some exercises are good for one particular thing, so you either see them in a specialized workout routine or they become a fad exercise at the local gym.

3. High intensity interval training vs. long cardio sessions
From my experiences, this is how I'd rank things (best to worst):
1. weight training + long cardio
2. weight training + interval training
3. interval training
4. long cardio
I think that the "post workout energy burn" from interval training is over estimated. It is true and makes sense, but I do not see how the total caloric consumption (workout + post workout) from a 5-minute sprint could ever be more than the caloric consumption (workout only) of a 50 minute jog. People who promote interval training typically state that "you're burning calories, even after the workout is over!" Yes, this is true, but I feel this is similar to the "post workout energy burn" from weight training. So if you're weight training, you're already burning a lot of calories when you're just sitting there, so I think you've already maximized that arena. But if you only have five minutes to workout, you'd burn more calories sprinting those 5 minutes than walking those 5 minutes.

4. Weight training vs. cardio
I feel that the benefits of weight training alone outweigh the benefits of cardio alone, mainly because of weight training's lasting effect on body composition and metabolism. But at the end of the day, they should be done together. I think a better comparison would be weight training vs. interval training. This, I think, would be a more debatable question. Some people do get "ripped" from weight training though. This could be because of genetics. It could also be due to a very strict diet. But it could also be due to their actual weight training routine. So there are a lot of factors other than the "weight training vs. cardio" comparison.

5. Protein powders, meal replacement bars
I drink protein powder shakes and I have boxes of meal replacement bars. But it's not because it's better...it's because I have no choice. If I could cook all my meals and eat "real" food, then I would. But the reality is that I have no time, so these are just mediocre substitutions. So in reality, these aren't better than "real stuff", but they're better than other alternatives (a bag of chips or a gallon of soda). They aren't magical...they're just food.

6. Supplements
Most supplements are either foods or are used in some sort of biochemical cycle. None of them are magic pills though. If they were, they'd be expensive, popular, and would probably be branded "drug" status by the FDA. Really, I feel that supplements offer only a marginal benefit AFTER a solid diet/exercise routine has been put in place. If you know you're diet is lacking in something and there's no way around it, then a supplement is your next best bet. For example, if you just can't stand eating fish, then take some fish oil supplements to make up for it. But I can't take a "fat burn" pill and then write in my xanga all day.

7. Zone diet / Atkins diet/ other diets
I'm sure each of these diets work somehow, but it seems that they are mainly built upon a few principles. They're often oversimplified too, because people like/buy simple things. The main principle of the Zone diet actually makes sense: it is important to consider the composition of the calories you consume. But how many calories should you consume? And which is the best composition for you personally? And the most important question: can you eat this way for the rest of your life? So these diets do provide some insight on important principles, but success is rarely guided by a single principle. Take from it what you can, then build your own.

8. "Physical fitness is all about diet and exercise."
WRONG! There are other factors. I, for example, get very little sleep and am stressed out daily with school/work. This affects your mentality, motivation, energy levels, your body's chemical balance, your metabolism, etc. But (for now), the lack of sleep and abundance of stress will be in my life for the time being. Diet and exercise alone will not make me achieve peak physical fitness. However, I should focus on what's the best I can attain given these limiting factors, and diet and exercise are domains that I have some control over.

9."So-and-so does this crazy routine, and they're fit as hell!"
What works for one person could utterly fail for the next. If you're curious, then try it out for yourself. Be open to the fact that it may or may not work. After you've tried it, take from it what you can and tweak it so that it fits you personally.

And now for this caveat:
I don't speak with any authority on the subject. These are simply my opinions from what I've read and experienced. And if you ever saw me, you'd probably guess that I sat on my ass all day long. But I try to make do with what I can, and at this point, that's the most I can do. =)

Ok, that's all for now. That was an adequate distraction from my finals studying (the exam is in 2 hours from now!).

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 07:44:16 GMT

"...you might be better served -- and this is a crazy notion -- if you could stop worrying so much about who does and doesn't notice...you. Even for just a second..."
-- Dr. Cox (Scrubs, season 2 episode 4: "My Big Mouth")

Monday, February 26, 2007

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 08:50:22 GMT

Kung kaya kong umiwas na, di na sana aasa pa
Kung kaya kong iwanan ka, di na sana lalapit pa
Kung kaya ko sana

I may be oversimplifying things (and I may be criticized for doing so, but I really don't mean any of this in a bad way at all), but I believe that there are three main classes of Filipino males:

1. The player
2. The romantic
3. The gay guy

The player is often characterized by a certain machismo, talks really loudly, has a high tolerance of alcohol and smoking, and preys on being the center of attention in group settings. The romantic is your clean cut looking guy who is often academically smart, has a high respect for women, and is the prototype of the guy that moms want for their daughters. The gay guy is...well, he's the gay guy. He's definitely out of the closet, often talented in the arts, totes/creates the latest fashion trends, and is liked by just about everybody.

When these guys grow up, they play certain roles. The player is the one who gives his nephews their first hit of a cigarette or his first shot and often hosts gambling nights with the rest of the uncles. The romantic becomes the bread winner of the siblings, both financially and emotionally. They gay guy fills everyone else with the latest gossip, news, and adds life to all the family gatherings.

Of course, there are also hybrids. The player may actually have a pretty clean cut look, the romantic may be talented in the arts, and the gay guy may talk pretty loudly at times. So it wouldn't be fair to strictly place all Filipino males in these categories, but I think it's safe to assume that Filipino males are generally a mix of these three classes.

But, despite all these types/hybridizations, there is one unifying theme of all Filipino males: Love.

Love consumes every Filipino male out there. It's literally in our blood. In fact, just the sheer absence of hate is evidence of this. Filipino males may feel strongly about something (a religious belief, a political right, etc.), but we never really HATE anyone or anything. Friend piss us off? Just down a few beers together and forget about it. Family quarrrels? Let's have a party and invite just about everyone within a 5 mile radius. The point is, there is so much in life to love and embrace that, to us Filipino males, there isn't enough time or room to really hate. Filipino males simply love to love...and this is especially true when it comes to romance.

Ask any Filipino male out there about your current love situation, and they'll talk for hours! We have an opinion about everything! If you watch a TV show in the Philippines (that isn't news or a game show), then it's probably a love show. Grab a CD of a male Filipino artist -- guaranteed that just about every song on there is about love. And man, are those love songs good! Probably the most cheesiest romantic stuff ever written by mankind. The lyrics are much better than, say, "Lalalalalalalalala means I love you." I think that for every relationship/breakup that occurs in this world, a male Filipino artist in Philippines is writing and singing its soundtrack.

Love is in my blood. It's in my culture. It consumes nearly my entire being. But despite all this, love is the one thing I know nothing about. Ask me what "dating" or "flirting" is, and I'll probably give very different answers each time you ask. Ask me to define love, and I'll probably end up quoting lyrics from those Filipino songs because I really don't know for myself. Even ask me why I love, and I still won't know. Ask me about anything remotely related to love, and instantly I become the most ignorant person in the world.

But ask me to love...and suddenly it all comes together perfectly. And if that's the full extent of what love means in my life, then I'm fine with just that.

And now, for the following disclaimer:
To highly opinionated, pissed off people: I may be wrong. To everyone else: I may be right. To myself: damn straight I'm right! Ha! =P

If I had one wish granted today, it would be:
To choose sleep over Xanga.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 21:36:30 GMT

The quote from my last entry actually came from a fortune cookie that I ate with my breakfast that morning. I normally don't eat fortune cookies with my daily bowl of oatmeal, but it sure doesn't hurt starting off my day with something I need to hear.

So I finally figured out one of those brain teaser things that Thai told me. This is quite possibly the hardest one I had ever (seriously) attempted to answer, but I did get it after awhile (I couldn't do it in my head...I actually had to write stuff down on paper!). Anyhow, I thought I'd post it up:

You have 12 marbles, and one of the marbles has a slightly different weight than the other 11. You have one of those balance scales (the ones where you put stuff on both sides, and the heavier side goes down), but you could only use the scale three times. What would you do to figure out which marble is the different one?

Yes, it is possible. No, you don't know ahead of time if the marble is heavier or lighter.

Seeing how this is a random post, I'm wondering if anyone out there subscribed to KCRW and got the CD 4-pack. I was calling while I was parking my car, and I had to choose my premium right then and there, so I opted to get the Sounds Eclectic 4-pack. What I really wanted was: The Sounds Eclectic Covers Project (which I'll get), Tita Lima, John Adams, and The Bird and the Bee. Unfortunately, they won't let me change my premium. Anyone out there wanna swap? Of course, if I win the Mini Cooper, I could care less about which CDs they give me!

If I had one wish granted today, it would be:
That Toyota won't fail me and will actually make the FT-HS (at the price they claim!) by the time I graduate!